A Slightly Insane Greenleaf and Other Stories
by Annagorn
Summary: These short stories are actually LOTR-related dreams I've had. The first involves Legolas advertising dog food, and the second is about Elrond, Agent Smith and a Sharpie.
1. Dream One

Dream One -- Legolas, Compensated Endorser  
  
I was standing in the forest of Lórien, though I couldn't really tell what day it was - it's always dark in there, you know - but I wasn't thinking about that anyway. For some bizarre reason, Legolas was standing there, (even though he's from Mirkwood) but he didn't do anything.  
  
I had the weird feeling that someone was reading my mind, and I thought about it. Suddenly I heard Galadriel's voice...  
  
"I underestimated you."  
  
Maybe I looked surprised, because Legolas asked me what had happened.  
  
"I heard a voice in my head..."  
  
So Legolas made some sort of facial expression akin to a smile and said, "You are protected by the elves of Lórien."  
  
This was one of my stupid dreams. I asked, "What does that mean?"  
  
"Grace, health, and 10% OFF ALL PETCO DOG FOOD!"  
  
The Petco bit was when everything faded to black, and I heard it in an annoying commercial narrator-guy voice. The insanity of it all was magnified by the fact that the rest of the sentence had been spoken really calm-like. You had to be there. Honestly.  
  
That's where I woke up. And guess what? There was a Petco commercial on TV. Probably didn't help that I was there a few hours before this happened.  
  
...  
  
What have I learned from this?  
  
1. Lorien is pretty. I felt really peaceful when I was 'there.'  
  
2. I don't think Legolas looked quite like 'movie Legolas' do. Yes, DO. I was reading the Silmarillion right before I fell asleep, and all of the elves/Ainur I pictured had nice faces. Not square. NOT square. Luckily, I can say this from a somewhat neutral point of view, since all of my other friends are obsessed with Legolas/Orlando Bloom. It's horrible. So Legolas looked a little bit different. I think. Anyway, my Silmarillion ref. brings me to my next point...  
  
3. Reading the Silmarillion gives you odd dreams. Okay, not ODD, but unusual in the sense that I don't normally have dreams of one particular subject... normally it's just a mix of things I thought of during the day.  
  
I'd like to thank Maggie (yes, THE Maggie) for telling me I should put this up on Fanfiction.net. I'm scared to death of writing my own LOTR fiction, so my brain did the work for me. pats head Thank you!  
  
"Grace, health, and 10% OFF ALL PETCO DOG FOOD!" -- Legolas said quite a bit more than that, some about elvish medicine, I think, but I don't remember it. Short-term memory. 


	2. Dream Two

Note: Yes, I did forget the disclaimer last time. The fanfiction server doesn't seem to like it when I replace the first chapter, so until that gets fixed there won't be one. Here you go.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in Lord of the Rings. They are property of J.R.R. Tolkien and his family. I don't even own me. My parents do. So... enh.  
  
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Dream 2 -- Elrond and the Sharpie Marker  
  
Sometime in the afternoon, I was walking in my backyard with my friend Maggie. There was an apple tree, which was odd since, well, there isn't an apple tree in my yard.  
  
Anyway, for some reason I wanted a pear. Maggie said, "There are no pears in Middle-Earth."   
  
I looked kind of sad and said, "Oh."  
  
Maggie had a solution. She told me that if I wanted a pear, I should pick an apple, write the word "PEAR" on it in permanent marker, then put it back in the apple tree. The next morning I would have a pear.  
  
It just so happened that I didn't have a permanent marker. Aww. Well, no problem. Suddenly, Elrond appeared. He was wearing one of those ugly jogging suits - you know, grey sweatshirt, grey sweatpants - along with his crown thingy. Picture that for a moment.  
  
I say hello and ask Elrond, freaking lord of Rivendell, if he has a permanent marker. Before I can actually *say* permanent marker, a Sharpie appears in his hand.   
  
He's smiling, so I take it. "Wow..."  
  
About then, I remember that I should be polite, but Elrond is walking towards my house. In some kind of desperate attempt to do something... ANYTHING... I say, "Goodbye, Mr. Anderson!" really loudly.  
  
Ohh. Elrond stops, and I can feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of my neck. Ouch.  
  
"Ah, that wasn't funny, was it?"  
  
He says he simply wasn't expecting it and starts walking again.  
  
Suddenly, I run after him and starts talking about Agent Smith and his coolness. Even though it was Elrond.  
  
I never did get that pear.  
  
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Well? Am I crazy? Mmmyep. 


End file.
